rnarker:

i hate when people say “you’ve barely touched your food” like what do you want me to do stroke it 

Food: You don’t love me anymore, you never touch me.

Me: I’ve just been really stressed out with work and the kids, I will touch you later, I promise.

Food: That’s what you always say, but you never do. I’m leaving you. I’ve found someone else and that someone else has touched me in ways you never could.

Me: That’s a dirty lie and you know it. When we touch it’s special! Please, let’s not fight anymore. I love you.

Food: *whispers* then touch me …